#7 I RECRUITED HELP

“I was in a psychiatric unit because everyone said I couldn’t manage my experiences of anorexia. They held me in a freezing room with only one thin blanket and told me I had to stay there until I ate. Except I couldn’t eat their food. I hated it there and kept pleading to be allowed home. They said I had to eat whatever I was given and comply with their goals for my body before I could leave.

My friend visited me and smuggled in food that I felt safe eating. Literally, smuggled food in so I could eat because they were starving me. He smuggled a sweater in too, so I could secretly wear it under my blanket. (He arrived wearing two sweaters … left wearing one!) The doctors had convinced my family I had to stay, so I had nowhere to go. I’d only known my friend for a few weeks, but it made him sad to see me there. I decided to trust this new person in my life who was prepared to smuggle for me and who made everyone angry by standing up for me. I asked him if he would help me leave. He said “Yes” right away.

It was many years ago, but I’ll never forget the pair of us striding through and out of the unit together. We were young and had to look confident and bold. We held our heads high, looking defiant. The staff were shouting after us, and one jeered that I would be back or dead within a month. I don’t think I would have ever have had the courage to leave by myself, so I’m really glad I recruited help. And I never went back.”